The time my penis exploded

There are a number of things I have done that I regret. One of them is a girl called Kirsty at University.
We were only intimate twice, and the second time was ... awkward.

There's no delicate way (that I can think of) to say this, so I'll just be blunt.

As we started, I felt, nay heard, a 'pttch', and there was a momentary sensation.
So I stopped and looked.

I was bleeding all over her. Bleeding heavily.

For those who don't know, the penis enlarges itself by pumping itself full of blood and increasing the local blood pressure significantly. It's like a sexy, dirty, blood filled balloon.
(Yes, I realise that I'm talking about my penis in the third person, like it's a cognizant, aware entity that acts without my direction. That's because it is)

So, to recap. I'm naked. This girl is naked. I have an erection that's spurting blood all over her, and probably mentally scarring her for life.
But enough of her, let's talk about me....

My immediate thought was "shit, I'm going to bleed to death! Out of my penis! I have to lose this erection, right now!"
Under the circumstances, I think I did what anybody would do. I filled the sink with ice cold water and plunged my penis into it's freezing depths.
The plan was that the cold would instantly cause my penis to wilt, and the danger would be over.
However, my penis, having a mind of its own, decided that ice water is actually a turn on, and maintained its rigidity.

This was becoming quite a worry. How would they tell my mum?
"It seems your son bled out through his penis whilst engaged in sexual misadventure"
"It's how he would have wanted to go"

Also, you might expect that the shrill, horrified screams of the girl might be a turn off. No. They didn't even register. All I could think of was my erection and the possibility that I would become a campus legend. An urban myth.
"Did you hear about the guy who bled to death ... from his knob! That was his room. They had to replace the carpet, repaint the walls and replaster the ceiling in the room below."

I think it was this flight of fancy that saved me. Luckily I don't find urban legends sexy. Cool, yes, but not sexy.

For the next week I was genuinely scared of getting an erection, in case I had a red stain spreading over my crotch.