I went out with my first official girlfriend when I was 17, a girl called Charlotte from my Psychology class. She had short hair, wore dungarees, liked Madonna and was a vocal vegetarian. I instantly assumed she was a lesbian when I first saw her, because 17 year old boys are morons.
I took her to see Boxing Helena on our first date. Yeah, I had all the moves.
As soon as we were officially 'going out' I did what every red blooded moronic 17 year old boy would do... Instantly assume we were goibg to have sex, and bought some condoms.
I wanted my first experience of buying condoms, of being a responsible adult no less, to be a memorable one. One I could look back on with respect and dignity.
To this end, I chose the largest branch of Boots in Leeds city center, on a Saturday lunchtime, to buy my condoms.
I went straight to the aisle, picked up a ten pack (because I was optimistic to a fault) of Durex 'ribbed for her pleasure' (because I'm a considerate guy) and marched to the pharmacy counter.
I chose the prettiest assistant I could and handed her the condoms.
"Just these, please," I said, looking her straight in the eye
"Did you pick up your free wallet?"
"Pardon?"
"Your free wallet. Every pack of ten gets a free promotional wallet. Hang on," She waved to one of her colleagues in the aisles "Mary! Can you get this lad one of the Durex wallets please!" She waved the condoms above her head to remove any doubt, then turned to my whitened face "Wouldn't want you to miss out... They're free."
I used that wallet for years. It was actually pretty good.
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